Stuboorn, I've been where you're at! Those conversations (such as you just detailed) are really pointless. Neither side is open to the others point of view. It just becomes "how can I knock this one back at her". The only good part is that you said what you needed to say. I know I felt that before but as far as creating change in your sitch...nah! I've also done the vacation thing. Last summer she wanted us all to go on a trip to China and I told her "NO". I told her I wasn't going to go and play happy hubby for her family. So, she went with the kids. Did it get me any respect? No. Did it change the sitch? No. But, hey, I got away from her for three weeks, works for me! Keep on polishing, Stub!
((((stubborn)))) I know it's hard and you seemed to do a really great job. No matter what you do, it will be wrong. No matter what you've done, it would've been wrong. Sooo not about you here. I wish I had good advice for you. I wish I knew when enough was enough for you. Just keep being you and keep building a life with that precious girl. Some good will come out of this, you'll see. Take care. Hope you can do something nice for yourself today.
Stubborn, I hope I didn't sound too negative in my last post! My point was just to put that conversation behind you. It probably did little good but also little damage. My W and I have had those convo's and it was the same stuff. I want to convince her that what she's doing is wrong and she wants to convince me that she's perfectly right to do what she did. It's no win. It would be better to ask "what would you like instead" or any future based questions. What you did or she did is in the past and neither of you can convince the other that you are right so don't bother. Maybe hit her with a little 180 like "Wow, it must have been so hard for you to live with someone you found so negative" Ever tried agreeing with her just to see the response? Really, there is truth to both sides of any sitch and right now you two have dug your trenches and are defending the good cause. Try something different.
naw I didn't think it was too negative. What WOULD be too negative in this sitch? I should be sitting down making lists of positive things just to focus myself. Woulda, shoulda, coulda. I am tired and frustrated and I MISS MY CONFIDANT!!! It always seems so ironic to me that the person who hurts you like this is also the person you would theoretically turn to in times of crisis. GREAT!!!
I have a good friend who is a VERY similar situation and, while I am glad to be of help to her, it brings me back to my sitch and sadness. Mostly I think I want more for DD. I keep thinking about parenting and R's "ya gotta dance with the one what brung ya". But some people fill their dance card with other things/folks. All these messes seem so solveable but...with 2 people working and what most of us ain't got is 2 people working. I could use a good success story right about now!!!
They are UN-delivering our new fridge today! an omen?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Stub, did I mention that when I told her I wasn't going on the China vacation she responded by telling me she that she was having an A! Surprise!!! Yes, fond memories. Hang tough, Stubborn.
