Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Still Pushing That @#$%ed Rock!

MD,

I can see a lot of similarities in our wives. I don't have an OM to deal with, but many of the actions and comments are the same.

My W's friends are not good friend. Thy are a bad influence on her.

She thinks that I don't like her to be with her friends.

Thinking back to evens since our fight in November, I can see that she was planning on leaving since them. However, in December, on our cruise, she was actively looking in to a cruise for the whole family for this year. Odd if she was planning on leaving.

She says to me, that she doesn't see herslef spending another 10 years with me.

She says Sex hasn't been that good. (What she doesn't realize is that it takes 2 to make good sex and she has been detached for a several months)

Your wife seems to have questionable friends like mine does. How much of a role do you think they play in her chosing to leave? In my case, I think they play a lot of a role. I think my wifes bad friend has been pushing her to leave for a long time. It sounds terrible, but I know of another woman that has directly influenced 4 of her friends to leave their husbands!

The other thing about the things that they say, I think it is excuses both in there minds to justify their actions and to get you to stop pursueing them.

I know you are questioning your future with your W right now, but I firmly believe mine will come back. It is what keeps my PMA going. Like Grace says "What you think is what you create", so brush off her comments, file them under "Crazy woman is talking" and carry on.

She will wake up and if you are there for her through this, when she does wake up, you will be the natural person for her to come to. You are the father of her children, not the asswipe OM, and that is HUGE to women. (sorry to generalize, ladies)

It's beyond weird to me....way beyond.

They turn towards these people to help justify their actions. If it's brainwashing them into believing that we are bad people and they need to get away from us, then they did it effectivly.

At least your wife is home. She's talking about vacations. You have many things in your favor. Just be calm and continue to work on you.

She sounds like she has been injured. You cannot protect her anymore tho. It's time for her to want to heal herself.

I feel so stupid saying this. I feel betrayed by my H that he wouldn't give me a chance and I did nothing like that. Now I feel like he never loved me in the first place.....but I know thats not true. They just make us FEEL like this. Get my point? Serving our sentence for a crime we do not fully understand.

UGH!

MD - this craziness is why you MUST let go.

And, asking her to be accountable is asking her to lie.

Plain and simple.

We all learned that lesson early on, with MLC.

While I lived with my H, I could SEE the internal struggle. The lies, the pull to "try one more time, forcibly" to be a good H, and the pull to go and do what he wanted.

Pretty soon, I stopped asking anything, let him lie. Whatever.

Then I moved out and he went full force replay.

That was meant to happen, he had to go there. And so does your W.

Let go.

It is torture, but then you stop wondering, thinking. You are still close to the incident, give it some time and push yourself to get on with your life.

What aer YOU doing tonight?

It took me a LONG while, I would say even until yesterday to cut all the cords, invisible and visible. It comes with time, but you slowly start to realize this is NOT about you, it's about them, and there isn't anything you can do, and after a while, nothing you want to do.

Sure, you can rationalize all the crap that comes out of her mouth, but why bother? It's so stupid to begin with, and such a waste of time.

You know what reality is, your perceptions. Stick to that, and let her go.

Easier said than done. Next week will be a little better and then the week after that.

One day at a time, and detaching gets easier and getting on with living gets easier.

"Brainwashing" I like this word. I can honestly say that I think my W's bad friend has brainwashed her.

I didn't think of it in terms of "brainwashing", but I like that too. My H has "new" friends that I've never met (of course) and he has only minimally said anything to me about anything these people have said. Mostly that was hurry up and get a D, the changes are just her manipulating you, etc., etc. I think one of his friends may have some sense (I sure hope so). It's nuts.

What are YOU doing tonight?

I have just been put into shock. I picked our son up at work, and she was gone by the time we got home, to meet her new friend and go out.

I went into our bedroom for something, and saw her jewelry box sitting open.

I had taken her ring away the night I caught her with "Friend". She hasn't worn it since, even though I came home and just tossed it into her box.

She's wearing it tonight.

???

P.S. Grace, I don't have any plans. I might jump on the bike and cruise around different hangouts where friends will be.

Why? Are you available?

MD, That's interesting! I can't see how it wouldn't be a good thing.

Grace, Let me check my schedule ........ nope, nuttin! (sucks to be me!):(

You guys seem to have my busy social life. Sucks to be me tonight too.

I leave for one day, and you are already proposing to Grace, GOSH.

so she wore her ring huh?

good, leave it that.

It is a good thing, now don't go breaking your brain apart on WHY she DID do it.

Take it as one of the positives that you would put away for a rainy day

But Lissy! Baby! It was nothing! I swear!

I should be so lucky as to have you. You are the iconic level to which every man on this board aspires. If you ever get a craving for a middle-aged, Midwestern flatlander, call me first!

Oh yeah, back to my wife. I am just happy to see that she put them on. This might mean that she still has a shred of decency left in her after all!

Alternatively, she will probably be seeing her sister and a bunch of old friends where she is going, and doesn't want to answer questions.