Take her out, "just to talk" and let her know how much you need her, and how you would feel if someone else had her in every way especially physically?
Not good advice IMO. My 2bx freaked out when he discovered I was dating and he said to me "I feel like our relationship will really be over if another man completes you in that way.". My reaction was intense anger because while we were married his constant stance was that sex and love were two different things and sex was not important. But as soon as the possibility that I might have sex with somebody else comes up sex magically becomes the ultimate expression of love and relationship to him. So, my response was pretty much bitter sardonic laughter as I said "I find that statement pretty f*cking ironic coming from you."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
It might seem ironic to you but being that my H suffers from W/M complex, and he has said pretty much the same thing to me many times, it doesn't surprise me. My H for so many years has told me I was free to leave to find someone that could "fulfill" my life and "provide" me with what he couldn't - i.e. sex
I don't think the statement is ironic at all, maybe he is just happy that you might be able to find someone that can fulfill whatever it is YOU are looking for.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
My H has ED...he has had physicals and they find nothing out of the ordinary...he has suffered with depression post-MLC...this coupled with guilt is part of it...he has diabetes but not bad and keeps it well controlled...he finally got a Viagra type drug...doctor said to start with a 1/2 dose...well he did and nothing...then a full dose and nothing...he even double dosed (after checking on the internet to see if it would be save to try) and nothing....he doesn't get spontanious morning erections either...he has NO desire for sex at all...
I am patient...he does "tend" to my needs but it isn't the same and I feel that "missing" part...that part of HIM that I would like (not the physical part but the emotional)...he is the one that always says he is "broken" "it doesn't work"...now sometimes it does...and we have a good time (or at least he says he did)...I feel badly for him...I feel bad for me...we had such a wonderful sex life before MLC...and now this...
I do love HIM...and am willing to work with whatever he has...but what I miss most is his emotional desire for me...he says it isn't there...
Any ideas?...maybe this can help 12-51....I didn't mean to highjack but think maybe in everyone sharing someone might have some answers...
Was your husband's affair a romantic affair? How long did it last? Who broke it off? How long ago did it end?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
to me(IMO)telling someone how you feel is one of the keys to communication and in 12_51's case it seems that his wife needs to hear. He sounds like he needs to take action right away, she's already left.
If my husband all of a sudden decided that sex was the ultimate exspression of love and relationship and wanted to try to be with me, I'd be thrilled.
I do understand your frustration, and at times, my bitterness gets the best of me too.
I think Love and sex are two different things outside of marriage. In marriage it's like you can't have one without the other. I don't think it's the ultimate expression of love though (MO) and I don't understand how LD spouses can somehow separate the two and think it's ok to go weeks, months, years w/o. Especially when a partner is willing to help and being patient.
I'm going to read your post because I don't know you're story and I hope you don't feel that I'm judging - i'm going through stuff too in another boat right behind you. Nvraln
I don't think the statement is ironic at all, maybe he is just happy that you might be able to find someone that can fulfill whatever it is YOU are looking for.
No. He was quite upset when he said it. He doesn't want me to have sex with anyone else. The thing is everytime I've been on the verge of leaving him he has suddenly found renewed sex drive or commitment to work on it but then we're back to the same old /same old in short order. I'm not even blaming him. It takes two to tango or not tango. He just sexually propositioned me again yesterday so clearly any angry/bitter/sardonic/dismissive comments on my part do nothing to diminish his renewed desire in the face of my lack of it and willingness/desire to move on. Do you know how much I would like to believe that some positive thing I could have done or some loving gesture I could have made would have been the thing that made the difference in our relationship? I tried everything I could think of. He only wants me when I don't want him and at this point I really, really don't want him. I've been burned a few too many times to go back.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yes it was a romantic affair...to the point that marriage was discussed...
What I know of how it ended...he didn't feel he could move to her state because he knew that I would not allow the kids to go there...and he wouldn't be able to afford to come here...he said because of her kids and their fathers (yes, plural) she couldn't leave her state to be with him (I don't totally buy this because where there is a will there is a way...but whatever)...in time he quit going to see her...things online dwindled...and after about 8 months after they began their R she called him to say she would be visiting in his area...he was excited and said they could meet up...that is when she told him she was coming with another man!!!...didn't take her long and really I think she did this to see if he would beg her back...she could have just let the contact go...he was...it was dying off...but I think she wanted him to know that another man was getting her...my opinion
That was about 2 1/2 years ago now...so it has been over for a long time...he didn't come back to me right away either...it was well over a year before he moved back to town and we started seeing each other again...
So in summation, yes it was romantic, lasted 8 months, mutually broke it off but she sealed the deal with another man, and ended 2 1/2 years ago...
