Yeah - ditto on the commute this am. This afternoon picking up the new car was even easier. Of course, it took a while and we were one of two total parties in the restaurant where we ate dinner. I brought work home and will not even attempt to be out on the roads tomorrow in the am.
LFL,
Yes - I agree totally with what you said. I think that there is a certain amount of mental discipline we must all achieve to deal with the shortcomings of our partners and they with us. It isn't easy.
Hope you get to stay home. I can guarantee our schools will close tomorrow.
I used to live in Richmond and occasionally have business in Hampton Roads. It is always interesting to know the general vicinity that people live in.
Well - schools are closed, my office is closed, there are icicles on all the trees and I am looking forward to working on my computer from home, getting some housecleaning done and spending some time with my kids.
My new car is so nice. I've never owned a car this nice in my life. We got a leftover '06 Ford Freestyle which is a van/station wagon hybrid with room for six passengers. The owners wife had driven in 6,000 miles. The back four seats fold all kinds of ways for cargo capacity. It has leather interior, all wheel drive, umpteen safety features, a GPS (which I never would have put in a car on purpose), Pirelli tires. However, it isn't a monstrous SUV or a minivan - it is perfect commute car for my daily 2 hour commute. I have either driven new cars until they were done - a Rabbit and a Saturn for about eight and 10 years respectively or good used cars - a Toyota and a Subaru (they each had quite a few miles on them when I got them). I expected to get another decent used car but H researched the issue, made an offer, got a deal that he was happy with and I think he is really pleased with himself that he was able to get me something so nice and perfect for my needs. Also, he was happy that my Dad was impressed with the car and that it will keep his daughter and grandbabies safe. They used to have some man-to-man issues that they didn't see eye to eye on but they have come a very long way.
H and I are going away this weekend for Valentines Day. I feel horribly guilty about all the $$ the accident has cost and the fact that we also have baby stuff to buy etc...so going away is hard for me (I have a good bit of martyr in me and am pretty fiscally conservative) but I hope we have a good time, he gets some rest and we connect well.
I feel horribly guilty about all the $$ the accident has cost
Karen! Stop that!
It was an accident! The new car sounds fabulous-- and who knows, THIS may be the car your family needed that you never would have gotten if not for the accident. Maybe IT will save everyone's life someday.
You do not know why this happened. But it did happen for a reason. You do not have the God's Eye view of the sitch. Be humble and accept reality, trusting that it is okay.
Hmmm... I didn't realize you had that much martyr in you... you do cause a lot of your own suffering with the internal self-talk... what does that voice want from you? (Is that question too introspective?)
Another thought... just got back from my yoga class...
To get all Byron Katie on you: you CAN'T know that the accident, spending the money, and getting a new car weren't exactly the right thing to happen in your life right. I mean the accident may have been completely bad, wrong, bad to spend the money, etc.... but you CAN'T KNOW that for sure.
But if you BELIEVE that spending the money now is not a good thing and that it's your fault that you had to spend the money now... if you believe that, you feel guilty... but that belief might not be true... and in fact, could very well NOT be true.
You don't know. Why feel terribly guilty over an unknown?
Thanks Lil. With me the marytr thing is usually a temporary response to some kind of emotional trauma. It isn't an issue usuallly.
Yes - this was a car we were looking at purchasing in a couple of years anyway. This will be wonderful and convenient with the new baby. So, in a way, it was both the right time and the wrong time.
Yes - this was a car we were looking at purchasing in a couple of years anyway. This will be wonderful and convenient with the new baby. So, in a way, it was both the right time and the wrong time.
All I can say is, you must really have wanted that new car very badly. 'Cuz, boom, baby, you've got it! There is no right or wrong time... only what we want and don't want, eh?
Karen, I'm so glad everything turned out ok with the accident. I know what you mean..about the self flagellation after an accident. I've had a few in my lifetime (cough), many of them my fault. I'm not necessarily a bad driver--that is, people are not scared to drive with me, H included--but I still seem to get in my fair share of em. Anyway, each time I am besieged with guilt so I can relate with what you are going through. Hang in there and all those other tired cliches and it will ride itself out. Truly, I am just so happy that the babies and you are okay..here comes another trite saying, but it really IS only a car! Yeah yeah, I hear ya...an expensive car..blah blah. But think of the alternative and a smashed up pile of wasted money is pretty attractive right.
Now. I'm going to ban you from these types of thoughts: H is so wonderful to take care of me that I am a heartless bitch for complaining about lack of sex.
Just because the former is true (you really do have an oustanding guy) doesn't mean that the latter is true as well. You can have both a caring, loving guy AND a guy who is willing to direct his sexual energies towards your M. Sure, maybe now--or the days immediately following the accident--is not the time to bring up his failings but that doesn't mean that you can't ever say anything.
My best friend just had a baby boy 2 weeks ago and I am totally enchanted by him. Can't wait for you to have your little fella in your arms. Try not to do what I did and leave the board hanging. I had plans to write and say "hey folks I'm in labor" but I went into labor on a Sunday morning and we ended up going out as a family and dropping kids off at babysitter, going to an Oktoberfest gathering (hey it sounded like a good idea at the time), etc, so I did not have any quiet time in which to hop on the puter and inform everyone of the fact that babypot was on the way. Man did I get blasted when I got back! So at that first twinge of labor, I highly suggest you let us all know or you will pay dearly.
The universe is certainly funny that way. A few years before my divorce ex-H and I had a little discussion about the merits or lack thereof of living in a certain area of the country. I liked it. He didn't. Wouldn't you know that when I left him that is exactly where I wound up. Would it surprise you to know that a few weeks before the actual accident I was driving and I got a little anxious and thought - OMG, the commute is getting scarier all the time - what if I had an accident? Lo and behold. A little over a year ago we had looked at the car I wound up with in the showroom while buying H's car. It was never a consideration for H but we both said - boy, that is really nice. It would probably be just right whenever you (me) need another car. I try to be very careful about putting too many "what if" or "wouldn't it be terrible if" thoughts out into the universe - more of them come to pass than you might imagine. So, while I don't think I purposely got into an accident in order to have a new car or because I had been having some thoughts of unease related to driving nevertheless, here I am.....
HP,
I am due 4/21/07. I will certainly try to post when the time comes. I would have wound up that the Oktoberfest too. I never really recognize labor until it is well advanced I don't know why. I just don't. Every single time I have to look back and say - Oh yes, I can see that it actually started at x but I only realized it some hours later.... I tend to have TONS of false labor at the end and refuse to go in to the hospital until it is obvious that real labor is established. I hate hospitals and try to minimize my time there. I have great, easy, short labors - only one was a c-section and only because she was breech. I was four centimeters before I realized I was in labor with her a week before the section was actually scheduled. Both my others were natural. I'm hoping for the same this time.
I know that H has his responsibilities in the sexual arena too. It is just that sometimes I can empathize with his feelings of letting things just flow in a more natural pattern. Unfortunately our lifestyle does not lend itself to idly waiting for cupid, trumpets, privacy, lack of emotional/physical exhaustion or anything like that. If we are to have a regular SL then we had best strive for the tv dinner variety because that is what fits into our lifestyle most of the time.
H sent some lovely "sunset" roses for Valentine's Day. Two dozen. They are just amazing - the yellow with orangy-pink variegated ones. Wow! No card this year but I think he can be forgiven since the accident wound me up on the couch for four days and was followed immediately by car purchasing and a yucky ice storm. The kids are on their second day without school. I had gotten him a card, some chocolates, and a "travel" candle with a really nice, sexy smell (vanilla/amber) to take on our weekend away this weekend. I am going to get a bikini wax for the occasion as well. I can't see to "trim the hedges" anymore. I have gained about 16 pounds which is a great weight gain (not too much/not too little) but certain things are tough to do. Unfortunately, can't do much to hide my lovely bruises.
Oh K, I didn't realize you had bruises. That breaks my heart. Here's to fast healing (up goes my coffee cup, as if I needed a reason to do that, lol).
My labors are always really long. That's why we headed out to the oktoberfest..just to walk around and pass the time. My plan was to do as I did with the other 2--walk around, stop when a contraction hit and hold on to something (wall, fencepost, whatever) and then keep on enjoying the day. However, we got there and everyone was absolutely wasted and I wanted out of there, fast. I didn't want to have memories and visuals popping in my head of all these idiotic stinking people when I was supposed to be focused on my lovely baby's arrival. I'm sure you can relate.
The bikini wax, how ingenious! You know, I remember bawling (shutup hairdog! I know you are now snickering saying Which time) because I was so unkempt and yet I couldn't reach/see to take care of it myself. I was too humiliated to ask H for help, knowing that he would not want to be involved in that. He still makes comments about how unattractive pregnancy is so there is a part of me that dreads if we have another one, just for that reason alone. If I would have been thinking, I would have arranged for a wax and presto it's taken care of. How wonderful! Have your legs and brows done too while you're at it. And a manicure and facial.
Ok, 4/21. Got it. Your labors sound heavenly. I hope all goes as smoothly with Joseph as it did with the others. xo
