Let me put on my NOPkins hat and be as clear as possible
(1) People who are married should have physical desire for each other. (2) People who are married should not accept being in a situation where there is no desire.
What I was saying "whoa!" about is your statement that her doing AOS for you meant NOTHING. AND your statement that ALL YOU WANT FROM HER IS HER DESIRE. I promise you, if your W suddenly got absolutely hot for you and wanted to ML 5 times a day and was constantly teasing you ... BUT stopped doing any housework, stopped rasing the kids, stopped earning any money and just spent what you make, started dressing in rags and rarely bathed, refuse to go out with you in public, never wanted to do anything but have sex and lounge around the house, never said anything nice to except in the context of trying to get you in bed, and never gave you a gift again ... you would be unhappy.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I do not dismiss my wife speaking her love language to me. We must all allow this. But how does speaking the WRONG love langauge to your spouse get any real deposits? Are you asking me to CHANGE my love langauge? If I knew how, I would do it in a second.
Quote:
As the HD spouse you CANNOT sit back and wait for her to do things, YOU must get things going. I had to do it, Honeypot had to do it, and countless males on here have had to do it. It's not GENDER specific....it's HD/LD specific.
But how do you do this? Currently, I do initate ALL physcial contact between us. This results in BOTH of us seeing the LD spouse as a tool to be used. The LD spouse actually CREATES the exact kind of sex that they hate (and so do I).
I look at it this way, her desire for me is the MAJOR goal, it is the cake of the relationship. All of her other characterisitcs are the frosting. Frosting by itself mkaes me sick. Cake by itself seems too dry. But together, they turn out mighty fine.
I do not dismiss my wife speaking her love language to me. We must all allow this. But how does speaking the WRONG love langauge to your spouse get any real deposits? Are you asking me to CHANGE my love langauge? If I knew how, I would do it in a second.
Quote:
As the HD spouse you CANNOT sit back and wait for her to do things, YOU must get things going. I had to do it, Honeypot had to do it, and countless males on here have had to do it. It's not GENDER specific....it's HD/LD specific.
But how do you do this? Currently, I do initate ALL physcial contact between us. This results in BOTH of us seeing the LD spouse as a tool to be used. The LD spouse actually CREATES the exact kind of sex that they hate (and so do I).
Oh, for the love of Christ! You do this by opening your big yap and telling her what you need and asking her what she needs in order to be able to give it to you.
Tell her exactly how you feel. What's she going to do? Divorce you? If so, you're not going to burn in Hell for what she does! If you have to talk to her again, talk to her again, and again, and again, until she either works with you or turns you loose.
Tell her "Sex is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun for you, maybe I'm not doing it right. What's going on?" Then listen!
And yes, you'll need to hold her, and talk to her, and do things with her, and all that other stuff. Once you get the big stick out of your a$$, you'll find that you actually enjoy all that stuff. Like I said before, males need and want to communicate just as much as females, particularly males that spend lots of time on a messageboard communicating their feelings and situations to others and debating solutions. Your wife wants to do that with you.
Hell, once I got over myself to some degree, I've found myself getting interested in the garden she's been maintaining in our yard, and enjoying conversations with her about it. I never would have expected that!
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
I look at it this way, her desire for me is the MAJOR goal, it is the cake of the relationship. All of her other characterisitcs are the frosting. Frosting by itself mkaes me sick. Cake by itself seems too dry. But together, they turn out mighty fine.
You're kidding right? No, I guess not... all that other stuff seems less important because you can take it for granted, while the desire is missing and thus takes on the importance of that one lost sheep that you'll leave 99 sheep behind to go and hunt for. But if you came back with that one sheep and found that the other 99 had wandered off, you'd get a different perspective.
She loves you, man. Give her the chance to work with you by figuring out exactly what you need (including what you're getting already and would appreciate in spades if only that one other thing wasn't bugging you so much), sharing all the data she needs about what you need and drawing her attention to it. Don't be surprised when she gives you her own list of what she needs from you, and be ready to work with her on it.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
