Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC with young personal trainer

Sorry, not trying to confuse anyone just posting the same info (cut/paste) on MLCs, EA's, and Newcomers. Not sure where it fits exactly, so I put on all 3 Boards.

Just looking for advice and counsel, not trying to be a pest.

Wasn't calling you a pest. I'm not sure if I have any advice...more seasoned people will be along. Where have you seen the most responses? Are you separated right now?

We're not separated--she doesn't want to affect kids' lives. Just seems that way, as there is no contact except forced hugs.

Forgot to note above: W also had me print off copy of Cincy Reds schedule, so she could plan Goal Celebration Trip. She, her best friend and trainer are planning weekend trip in August to gamble, dance, and party. BF is a 37yo widow of 2 years duration (husband died of Cancer) who has had relationships with 2 married men in last year. She had an unhappy marriage and has told my wife she needs to make herself happy and not to feel guilty if something happens with the trainer. Doesn't make me feel comfortable about situation. If something does happen, I know there is no choice but separate.

There is always a choice. You know your line though.

Believe me, I would much rather everything get right. I just know that if something does happen in August after I have tried so hard from February on, it will be her turn to do something about fixing our marriage. I've told her that if something did happen I would forgive her. It would just be ultimatum time to choose me/family or young hottie/"freedom".

Gosh! I am sorry with how your W reacted to your reaching out. It almost sounds like she is taunting you. I wonder if she knows how it would make a man feel when she is masturbating, but not wanting you to touch her. I guess she is not well known for her sensitivity. She could do it somewhere else .... really! I get so upset when women do that - it's like teasing. You are right in that sulking will do no good. It would've been better to have told her that you would go watch TV until she is finished, then left, asking her to let you know. Politely, of course.

Your W sounds like she is in her own little fantasy world. Is she hoping you would leave, making you the bad guy? How long does she think anyone would put up with this sort of behaviour. Are you paying for their little trip? I'm sorry, but if your W really loved her children, she would make every effort to work on her M, but instead, she is playing with fire. Her BF is no real friend, if you ask me.

Well, I didn't have much advice, but I hope things work out for you. At this point, maybe LRT might work, but you should play it really carefully. Don't give any ultimatums, but be polite, yet assertive in your boundaries. If she wants to masturbate, then it shouldn't be in your presence unless she wants you to participate, for example. If she wants to go on trips, then the family budget shouldn't have to pay for something that may lead to a PA. Still, ultimately, you have little control over your W, but you do have over how you react. Be the bigger person, and don't let her antics get to you. Set yourself a limit to how much you will tolerate, think about how you will respond, have a plan, then impliment it when the situation arises.

In the meantime, GAL, work on yourself, hang out with the kids, and have fun. Find some laughter in your life, despite your W's foolishness. Best revenge is a life well lived.

Thanks BeingMe

My W is out of town at a work conference tonight, sharing a hotel room with her boss. Makes you wonder if there will be any masturbation tonight.

I did drop a note in her suitcase, telling her I knew how stressful her work had been recently--to have a nice glass of wine and relaxing evening. Kept it pleasant, but informal(no love or ILU). Hopefully she comes back feeling happy about it.

Made kids dinner and took them out for ice cream tonight. I know they're feeling better about our relationship. We have plans to go out Sat night w/o kids. Maybe I'll have a better report on Monday.

Hey Scout,

How have things been going of late?

I hope things went well this weekend for you.

Hello, Friends

Weekend was interesting. Wife got back home Friday. We cooked out Fri night, then she went to tan(Looks are very important these days) while I played with kids. She was on/off phone most of night, so little interaction between us.

Sat AM, I went to get haircut and when I get back W and D9 are arguing. D is entering "too independent" stage--she and W disagree alot. W had told her she was not going to stay if D9 didn't start treating her better. D crying, saying she knew we fight alot because of her. I really was not happy about putting that on D--later in night W apologized to me about saying it to D(I had not brought it up). Said she was just frustrated with the ATTITUDE(I reminded her it would likely be there for years).

Well we went to our party w/o kids. I thought all was good. We had some drinks. We had good discussions about her weight loss/life changes with friends. I had a positive feeling about night. But when we went to bed, I went to kiss her and got the head duck/forehead offered only. Nothing loving or intimate at all. Not expecting to ML or anything yet--just wish I felt some warmth.

As I said last week, friendship seems better, but still no sign of acting like a married couple. Anniversary (13) comes next Mon--she doesn't want to do anything for it. I'll tell you--it's hard to go to Hallmark and find a "lukewarm" anniversary card. Do have plan for Dinner out with family on Sun for Mother's Day. It's the traditional Japanese Steakhouse (kids stay well entertained and food always good). Maybe I'll have something more positive to post then.

Scout,

Our 13th anniversary is in November, but she has already said that she is going to plan a trip to Melbourne with her friends at this time. Its funny how each sitch is so different, but so similar.

I think your W was out of line with your D. My W is going through MLC and also is EA/PA with kickboxing coach (10 years younger than her), but even with all the garble that comes out of her mouth, there is no way she would ever say anything like that to our D.

You said she apologized to you, but did she apologize to D?