well maybe I can take one day of being on a pedestal!
Sure? First you ask how not to be on a pedestal, now you want to be there for a day, how about a week, then every-other week! j/k NJ. It can feel good for a while.
I don't know how to do it but get your H to move up there too.
I don't know how to do it but get your H to move up there too. Tell him you can both be pedestal buds. Why not?
Lou
Lou, What a sweet thought! Can you imagine what kind of marriage H and I would have today if we both worked more on pushing each other up the pedestal instead tearing each other down? Live and learn.
Today I have this song stuck in my head...it's Billy Joel's Scenes from an Italian Restaurant...please, someone out there know this song so I don't feel so middle-aged! Well, I didn't know what was getting to me about the song, so I searched the lyrics ( yes, we are having an nor'easter here and I am bored)...and this phrase stuck out at me:
"The best they could do is pick up the pieces"...and,
I recognized that's exactly how I feel right now!
While searching for the lyrics I stumbled upon a webiste where people post the words they believed made up the song, followed by the actual lyrics. This is one person's repsonse regarding the Billy Joel song:
The real lyrics were: Brenda and Eddie were the popular steadies and the king and the queen of the prom... Well, they got an apartment with deep pile carpets and a couple of paintings from Sears A big waterbed that they bought with the bread they had saved for a couple of years
But I misheard them as: Brenda Rinetti were the popular steadies and the king and the queen of the farm... Well, they got an apartment with [mumble mumble] and a couple of pennies from Sears A big wad of bed that they bought with the bread they had saved for a couple of years
The embarassing moment of revelation: Later on in the song it says "Brenda, you know that you're much too lazy and Eddie could never afford to live that kind of life" and one day it suddenly occurred to me that he was talking about two people and wasn't saying "There we were waving Brenda Rinetti goodbye"! I had also thought they were buying a "big wad of bed" with actual loaves of bread they had saved for a couple of years. Increased vocabulary took care of the rest. ,)
I just thought that was funny. Okay, I have too much time on my hands and need to get back to work!
please, someone out there know this song so I don't feel so middle-aged That is some of the newer stuff for me NJ.:) Did Billy Joel come before or after Queen, ABBA? Just kidding.
"The best they could do is pick up the pieces"...and,
I recognized that's exactly how I feel right now! Picking up pieces and rearranging them. Where do to the pieces fit the best? Where did the missing parts go?
My new theme is that of fun...I want to put fun back on the agenda with H, in our sex life and in general. We tend to get too uptight with each other, so we are reminding ourselves to get back to fun. This is the major ingredient that's been missing. Our sex life is back on track! One problem area that was present from the beginning of the marriage is that my H had a lot of anxiety about being out there ( being open) and I had no drive to initiate things. When I confronted H about some things that would get me going, he clammed up. It finally hit me that he has performance anxiety ( I have realized this before but never so clearly), and I was feeding into it by not confronting it and allowing him to do the clamming up thing. So just recently, when this dynamic repeated itself (I asked him to undress me, and he pulled away), I tried to bring it up, and H said if we talk about it it will make it worse ( he started to hush me) and a lightbulb went off...this was exactly where we were at 20 yrs ago! In a real feat of differentiation, I said to him very firmly, " No, we have been avoiding for years, and it doesn't get better that way...this is what I want and even if you aren't getting turned on, you must push out of your comfort zone." And without going into the sexual details, he did! And then he validated me by telling me I was right! that he was hiding, and the way to get stronger is to confront! Anyway, it was a real exciting moment for us, and we both feel we are on the right track, getting the issues out there.
Well, that's it for now. I am doing this cool thing on Sunday with a girlfriend of mine. We are taking a group cooking class with this top chef in the area, who will teach us how to make 4 dishes from his restaurant in an all day thing. I am not a drinker as I get headaches, but wine will be served throughout, and I plan to go for it ( friend will be driving). And I will bring home the cooking to H. Major confronting of my own issues ( about food, preparation and cooking) in a fun way. WTG Journey!
oh one more thing ( reminds me of Columbo)... I don't mean to be rude, but I just can't "take on" new threads right now...I am trying to separate from the computer some more. I wish I could follow all the stories, but I am getting too addicted. My best wishes, though, for everyone here...keep confronting!
please, someone out there know this song so I don't feel so middle-aged That is some of the newer stuff for me NJ.:) Did Billy Joel come before or after Queen, ABBA? Just kidding.
I guess we know why you hadn't heard of Iggy Pop...
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Why not?