Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Is it over for me?

I saw H Thursday because I had a meeting to go to and my D had several things she needed to do also so I took her to H and asked him to help us out. She will be 16 next month so it won't be long that she can drive her own self around! While I was there I told him that I was cooking for Easter Sunday and he was welcome to join us if he didn't have any plans, but if he did that would be okay. He said okay. I have no expectations, I was just trying to be nice. If he comes it will be okay, if he doesn't I will enjoy my day with my girls. I have not talked to him since then. I do not plan on calling to remind him. When I told my oldest D (the one in college)that I had invited H for Easter, her reply was "Mom, why did you do that?" She loves him, but is so tired of his wishy-washy attitude.

Youngest D had high school dance team try-outs last night, and yes, she made it for the 2nd year in a row. What a relief! It felt so strange not being with H to share this with. My D and I went out with some other girls and their parents who made the team also,it was very nice. I've got some great friends.

I hope everyone has a very blessed Easter!

YYW,
I wanted to introduce myself. I've just finished reading your thread. I have great respect for teachers.

I can empathize with the struggle of how to determine the distance vs. connection issue regarding our WAS. I think all we can do with this ambiguity is get support, make a decision, make occassional mistakes, and keep improving at DB.

You've been getting great advice and support from Theodon, ROT, and others. You can't have too many friends, and each offers their own perspective. I will offer advice and support when I feel I can be helpful.

We LBS enter our situations with certain strengths, and wisely lean on this community, to help us in areas we need to grow in.

CL

CL,
Nice to meet you, we need all the support we can get. I read your thread and it seems we are on the same page,we get frustrated a lot, but are definitely not ready to throw in the towel yet. I'm getting better on the distanting, but yet I I still have lots of work to do on that area.

Just journaling.

I had a really nice day. I slept late and then got up and went shopping with my D home from college. I decided to buy myself and my two daughters new dresses for Easter services tomorrow. I bought a pre-cooked roasted chicken that we can heat up along with other dishes for lunch. We are all set for tomorrow. We will enjoy church and then come home to a nice leisurely afternoon. It gets easier everyday to detach. I realize that I'm getting empowered and that my life is good right now. I have two daughters that love me. I have extended family that love me and friends that love me. And above all else God is taking care of me and my family. I am definitely working on myself and GAL. It's my H who is missing out.

Happy Easter everyone!

YoYo,
I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with inviting your H to a family event, as long it's done from a position of strength versus fear.

I think the questions the LBS needs to ask themselves when considering extending an invitation are these. Do you know what your motive is? Are you mindful of why you're asking him/her to join this particular event? Are your expectations realistic? Are you working enough on DB, GAL, detachment, acceptance, and personal growth, or spending too much energy pursuing the WAS? Where you're at in your own DB process, will determine when you're strong enougth to extend invitations.

We need to continue to be compassionate to our spouses. We also need to utilize the strengths inherent in our situations. If your H's participation in a family event moves him closer to reconciliation, than it was a smart decision. If he experiences your compassion for him, and gets to observe that you're getting stronger and more independent, than it's also a good thing for him to see. If he get to see you pursue, and operate from a position of needing reassurance, than it's a mistake

I think what's more important is how it affects you. If he comes, it will reveal where you're at in the pain-to-power continuum.

You seem comfortable with the invitation, so I'll support it, and be curious to see what happens.

CL

Easter has been a pleasant day. My daughters and I went to church. The service was very nice. When we got in the car my oldest D checked her phone and she had a missed call from my H. She called him and told him we just got out of church. He asked about her Sat. night and then he talked to youngest D for a while. He never asked about lunch, but he never calls them that early on Sunday so I figured he was trying to find out what time to come for lunch. At first I thought, no I'm not going to call him, he should have asked. But then I knew it was the right thing to call him since I had extended the invitation to him Thurs. I called and asked if he still wanted to come over and he said yes and asked what time. He came over and lunch was very relaxed. Conversation was kept light. Afterwards we went to the den with the girls to watch TV. The girls both ended up falling asleep. I thought he would leave then, but stayed and watched tv with me. A group that I am member of is a having a fund raiser for the children's hospital. It is a fishing tournament,he told me he still wanted to help out with it and took some of the entry forms to try to get participants. He ended up staying about 5 hours. When he got ready he thanked me for having him over. I said I'm glad you came. He said well I like to spend time with the girls. I never once brought anything up about us. Oh another thing I thought was odd, he asked what I wore to church. He said did you wear a dress? I said yes, and he asked if I bought a new one. I said yeah, I bought new dresses for all of us. I thought that was a peculiar thing to be interested in.

Excellent DBing! Your H is getting drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Is it possible that he doesn't even know it? Seems that way. Stay the course a keep your patience!
SD

SD

Thanks for the encouragement. I just try to have no expectations at this time. We never know what they are thinking! I'm just thankful for baby steps.

Oh, by the way the fishing tournament isn't until the end of May. So, I don't think he has given much thought to starting divorce proceedings, otherwise he wouldn't be talking about helping with the tournament. Just a thought. I know it's best to have time on my side. I'm just trying to lay low.

We had teacher inservice today and the students did not have to go to school. My H called this morning to see if he needed to bring D lunch. I told him that we had pizza in the fridge that she could warm up, but he may want to call her later and see. He said I was just going to check about lunch for her to make sure I was in town if she needed something. I kept my voice pleasant and just answered the questions. I'm trying to be the "friend". We had such a pleasant day yesterdy. Nothing major, but here I go analyzing. It makes me want to think that he was finding a reason to call me, because she has her own cell. I know...no expectations. I asked her when she got home if she heated up the pizza and she said her dad called her and brought her lunch.