R u sure you don't know my H? He is all about control!! So, you do have a good point there, but I would think if the OW makes him so happy like he says, why not rush to the door?
Don't you think tha after awhile leading a double life would wear you down? At one point he was doing a little complaining hear and there about her, but would never go into specific details. At that time I kinda got the feeling he was getting tired or bored of her.
I am at a crossroads between "catering" and doing all the nicey wife stuff and thinking hell w/ it I shouldn't have to cook for mycheating H. He seemed so content and happy all the while cake eating where one time while he was actually eating a piece of cake I had baked, he laughed and jokingly said I'm having my cake and eating ot too.
He sounds like he is enjoying himself. I do not think that he thinks OW is worth it quite frankly.
Look at the statistics most men do not leave their wife for the OW.
OW probably has asked him to move in with her. He won't do it because then he is letting her be in control. Is he the "no woman will control me" type?
He seems like it.
My own H is the "no one will control me" type. I have learned though that through careful calculations and comments I can get him to do things I want, I just have to make sure he BELIEVES it is all his idea.
I posted on another thread where my husband has been fussing about wanting to move out. Ofcourse I told him I did not want him to at the time. He did stayed. Then Monday we got into it. I should have left his drunk *ss alone but I pushed. Anyway I was told, he is tired of me, does not really like me, did not want to be married to me, and I wont let him move out. I told him fine move out if you want to so bad.
He is still at home very comfortable.
I also battle with how to do things with him in the house as well. I really do not want him to leave. I was reading a thread where they listed things from a Christian site on how to cope with a difficult spouse. It listed that having them move out is very bad. I am not a religious person, but I have a very very strong belief in God and I believe that God has a plan for us to be together. My H believed this also. In the past he said he wanted a break but not a divorce. So who knows where his mind is now.
I think your H is like mine in many ways, If they were really really through with us they would be gone because they are head strong. The fact they have not left, is because they are not through.
Yeah, my H doesn't want to be controlled by anyone it's a miracle he lasted in the Navy for eight years.
Wow! I was noticing you have four little ones?? I have 3 girls 5, 7, & 9yrs.
Can you show me some of your tricks of to make 'em beleive it was their idea in order to get you want??
Sometimes he will slip and accidentaly let me know bits of not so good information about her, like one time he said he was not planning on staying w/ her WTF? and that she complains to much, but after he had to add that in that way her and I are alike, complain too much?? Thats a lie b/c since I have made quite a lot of changes in how I react to his tantrums, I let mostly everything just slide right off. I think what he meant as far as me "compalining" was when I first put my foot down and said I was not going to be waiting for him much longer. So, I gather that she was also pressuring him.
Can I ask you a very personal question??? I feel ashamed to ask,but if your not ML anymore how do you past the time (when your in need)? I have never been one to pleasure myself, so I am trying to just get really busy going out and doing things w/ the girls. I guess I have to back to asking God to take away my "desires" for him for now. I use to pray for that months ago when I first saw evidence of the PA and wanted to protect myself, but at times it's hard b/c I was always the one w/ the higher sex drive. But, hey, right now I have daughter sleeeping w/ me and that seems to help.
We are still ML now, but when my H was working 3 weeks straight with one day off, it stopped, well it was not as regular as it used to be. It drove me nuts. We are pretty well matched in that department. That is what really got me snooping on my H. I could not figure out why he of all people he would not want to. I guess I hard time believing how tired he was. I feel bad about it now though.
My H stayed overnight for the second time this week, but I saw when he was online b/c of AIM, yet he can't see me b/c he doesn't have my new screen name. He waas online until late...hmm not giving her any attention?? Makes me wonder if he actually stayed over there? This is the first that he stays out during the week and it could be b/c I have been pushing him to move out. Maybe he is trying it out. I want him to start seeing reality by living w/ her and to not be at home to cake eat. I guess he is also getting tired and being too uncfortable sleeping on the futon at home. I really don't want to be mean to him, but this is a new and different approach of my setting the boundaries and am trying to stick to them b/c he was just too comfy w/ his cake.
Tonight I take the girls to see Disney on ice and tomorrow they stay (all three)! over night w/ one of their daycare teachers!! I plan on having an awesome girls night out!!! Can hardly wait.
Anyone up for some drama???? You guys can hit me w/ a 2x4 if you think I did wrong here it goes- My h crossed the line a few weekends ago when he took the girls for a sleep over at OW's. I told him that now we would have to start to schedule time ahead to be w/ the girls. So, since he had them w/ OW the last two weekends, they will be all mine the next two weekends. I bought tickets for the girls and I to see Disney on Ice for the night before H was going to take them, but H as usual did not inform me that he had tickets too. When I told him I would be taking them he became frusturated and I told him he should take his"other" family instead. A few hours before H was to take the girls he called me several times and left messages that he would be bringing them right back after the show(same lies said before). I finally called him back and asked him why should I beleive him NOW that he would really bring them back. Anyways we wenet back and forth and I told him the girls were now at a sleep over w/ 7 other girls and to not taked them away from their fun time right now. H threaten to go get them form there. I had to tell the lady of where they were staying all about my drama just in case H did drop by. H said that since I wa playing games w/ him regarding the girls that I will no longer live comfortable and have a free ride that when I arrived home later that day the electricity and the water would be turned off and I will have to turn it back on in my name. I knew it was Saturday and it was too late to get it all turned off. When I got home the lights and the a water was off. I just went to the box and turned it back on and found the water valve outside and turned the water back on too! Later that day H came home and was surprised that I had knew where the water valve was at and I said you don't give me any credit? He said he did not go to the show at all and how his tickets were wasted. Boo hoo.... things would of been fine, but I just couldn't stand another weekend w/ out my girls. Now that I am detaching.. he is asking all the questions, what am I doing, who with and even asked the girls what I did when they had their sleep over. WHen i mentioned that i was in no need of any sex H patted me on the back and said that's b/c you are already "getting it"(h thinks I am cheating now). I said no, I asked the Lord months ago to take away any sexual desires I have towards you (especially since I was the one w/ the high sex drive). H said "sure right) ANYWHO.......... I hope my next weekend is more pleasant.
He did do something weird this morning though??? H had told me he was staying out " overnight" tonight and would not be back until Wednesday, I said oh Tuesdays must be wehn she is childess, huh? Oh yes right.. So, as he was leaving he leaned over and gave me a kiss on my head??? GUILT??? I can't remember when he has done that last.Last week h started to take my suggestion(i guess) to leave the house (but not totally) it was the first time during the weekday that he slept over out of the home. But I am starting to get use to it (it hurts less and less) THis morning he had an exctra pair of worlking pants i hands as he said " yes I am staying over" I just told him (nicely) why not take clothes for the rest of the week? No I will back tomorrow....UGH! I said it really is ok w/ me..I sleep fine when your not here. I was noticing that when he does sleep (in the other room) at home that I do not sleep good, but when he is not at home ,I do fine.
Chicki, You really need to stop provoking him. My life became so much easier when I stopped (for the most part!) jumping at every chance to verbally attack my H. You and your H are attacking each other and that needs to stop if you are going to move forward. So, Chicki - YOU need to be the one to stop attacking and defending.. Do you think you can start doing that? If he attacks and you need to respond, do so in a controlled manner without attacking back..
Take care of your girls. Don't let him use them as pawns in the middle of what is going on between the two of you.
lone, Thats just it I don't think I want to keep DB anymore. I feel like if I had the $, I would be filing right now. What he does or doesn't do w/ OW doesn't phase me as much as what he does WITH MY GIRLS. I told H he sems to be following his dad in his ways and lets hope he doesn't have a kid too out of wedlock "so, maybe I will have the boy I always wanted" yeah but you will be even more broke w/ all the child support and not only that,but it will take away time and money from the girls you have now.
I don't know..MOMS do you feel me , i just did not want to spend another weekend w/out my darlings and him bringing them down into his circle of sin.
Chicki - I would BLOW UP if my H took my kids on an overnight w/OW. Do whatever you want to me but leave the kids out of it! If for no other reason than your kids, you and your H need to stop attacking! Set some clear boundaries around interaction with your girls. I know it's easier said than done but those girls deserve a more stable home life. Set some boundaries and see how you feel next week...
I was so angry that OW helped H pick out a gift for my child. I can only imagine how YOU feel right now..
The OW knows how to distract my H w/ inviting him to take our girls to alone of her childs freind Bday party or for easter she told my H to bring them over for an egg hunt or they will take all the kids to the park. I told him tha he has NEVER taken the kids to the park on his own or not even w/ ME!! Nor has ever gone to any bday parites w/ US!!! I said (sarcastically) I never knew you liked kids Bday parites so much!!!!
UGH!!!! You see other day of the altercation, the kids were not around. I really have stopped discussing or arguing w/ him infront of the kids. My biggest 180 is when he is looking for a fight , I just let it slip right off my back and won't react whatsoever. It has really helped the tension is not there like before and I know thats probably why he started staying at home more often.
The last couple of times he takes the girls is b/c she will tell him bring the girls they will have lots of fun...she knows how to wheel him in using the girls!!!
