Cobra wrote. --------------------------------------------------------- Did you one time warned some woman that her H may have been having an affair, which turned out to be untrue, but not before sending that poor woman into a panic? Why is it you act like your comments are above question? ---------------------------------------------------------
Actually, it turned out to be very true. She has 8 kids and the marriage is still suffering from the affair. I am not perfect, but I rarely miss on an affair. MrsNOP has links to her story and the discovery of the affair. She can give you her username if you are interested in following her saga.
I did NOT say that Chrome's wife is having an affair, but her behavior is highly suspect.
Quote: ----------------------------------------------------------- I think Chrome is plenty intelligent to speak with you. IMO, the problem, like I stated to you before, is that you do not reveal your hand. You make statements or give advice for specific actions, without any explanation. I don’t know why you do that. How is one supposed to interpret “full gale warning,” especially with your signature line of “I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity?” -----------------------------------------------------------
I was talking to Chrome, not you.
Look, Cobra. I understand that you don't like my style. I am not going to give a five page explanation of everything I write. I don't mind explaining my thinking to the person I am writing to if they are interested in what I have to say. I keep it short. If they are open for discussion, then I can be wordy.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Burgbud I'd like him to be prepared, though, not to like what he finds, whether it's an affair or not. It could be Mrs. Chrome is looking at jewelry on-line. Who knows. At least Chrom will maybe see a side of his W he doesn't know, or he could fill in some gaps she doesn't talk about.
If my belief is correct that people have similar traits and most people hide a certain part of their life/personality, based on their R with that person, then seeing what Mrs. Chrom does till 2 AM might be helpful. But then again It might be a bad idea.
I would want to know because an accurate diagnosis is important to me. I will defer to Chrom and NOP.
I did NOT say that Chrome's wife is having an affair, but her behavior is highly suspect.
I know you didn’t. It was very much implied.
I was talking to Chrome, not you.
So what. People jump into threads all the time.
Look, Cobra. I understand that you don't like my style. I am not going to give a five page explanation of everything I write.
That’s an exaggeration. I never said you should write a 5 page explanation. IMO, keeping it short is your way of limiting challenges to your recommendations. Your comments are good. I have no issue with that. The problem I have is that for people to take your advice, they need to be willing to accept on blind faith that you have the insight and knowledge to make the correct diagnosis without any questioning. You are not that good. No one is.
People here are in confusion, in doubt, in anxiety. Knowledge is power and it can be very comforting. To give me the excuse that it is best to withhold knowledge because you know better whether a person is capable of handling stress and anxiety, or whether s/he will be overwhelmed b y that information, and that your combat experience somehow sets your apart, is patronizing at best and flat out ludicrous at worst.
If they are open for discussion, then I can be wordy.
I’ve yet to see this. What I see is you throwing an issue back to the person, an issue you know is difficult for them to answer. Usually that seems to shut the “discussion” down. I prefer to help explain the issue, as I see it, to the person to entice discussion and feedback, not just stick it in their face.
I did NOT imply that MrsChrome is having an affair, rather that her behavior needs attention. The inference is YOURS.
I intended my interaction with Chrome to be with Chrome, not you. Chrome can choose to talk to me or not.
I don't limit challenges, but I am not here to teach you what I think.
I told you in a post a week or so ago that I don't think I am Jesus or want to be. My advice or suggestions or ideas are all to be used or not at the discretion of the reader. I ask NO ONE to accept anything I say on blind faith. Since I have told you this before, why don't you make a copy of it and post it on your monitor.
You are making assumptions about me that are flatly wrong. Don't try to force your assumptions on me.
As for wordy, here is a link to a thread that contains numerous discussions between you and me. Link.
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Actually, it turned out to be very true. She has 8 kids and the marriage is still suffering from the affair. I am not perfect, but I rarely miss on an affair. MrsNOP has links to her story and the discovery of the affair. She can give you her username if you are interested in following her saga.
Here is one of the user's threads. This was one of her earliest threads in the SSM forum: No sex in months
The user's name at the time was "faithandhope." Now it's "brandnewday."
Been busy watching the kids with the wife sick and all, so I just have a few minutes to respond.
First, the wife is REALLY sick, I am at a loss. The local nurse practicioner called in a prescription for some heavy pain-killers (W has a REALLY bad headache that has gone on for 3-4 days). Supposedly they would make her drowsy. She took one and went to bed, but the headache only went abou 50% away and she couldn't sleep. She woke up feeling only marginally better. She just took another. I've tried to get her to just go in her room and shut the door, maybe take some magazines or something, anything to get away from noisy hollering kids for awhile, but she refuses. I guess I can understand that, it isn't fun to be shut up AND sick. She has been really cranky and not wanting much attention. She is supposed to make a cake for an Easter party tomorrow. I'm going to have to put the foot down and tell her no. Anyway, I am really worried about the headache lasting this long and this severe. She was in tears for awhile before the Rx painkillers kicked in. Any thoughts?
Second, I don't think it is an A, although she does show quite a few of the classic signs. I do believe it is avoidance of the R, and possibly substituting the R for something else. Can one have an A without it being a person? She is not dressing real nice and going out and all that, so I'm pretty sure it is not an A. I will admit, I don't feel competent to deal with my W's issues. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but I have tried and failed and tried and failed. Perhaps it is just in how I approach her, but apparently I just don't know how to deal with women or something. Go ahead, tell me I am wanting to fail or something just so I don't have to do the hard work. Maybe you are right but the constant pain I feel in my heart is difficult to supress long enough to do the manly things I need to do. I am close to giving up, but I can't do that either. I have tried just shutting off my R radar for awhile, and it doesn't work.
Sorry for the small vent there. I just feel like I've been teetering for awhile now. It shames me those of you who have been dealing with situations like mine for so much longer than I have and are still sane. I wish there was some way to bottle your strength and mail it to me.
I'll be back on later for a grading break and answer as many of the direct questions as I can.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Did you one time warned some woman that her H may have been having an affair, which turned out to be untrue, but not before sending that poor woman into a panic?
Cobra, I continued following Brandnewday even though I didn't post to her. She really has had and continues to have a hard time. Panic is totally understandable given the situation of parenting alone with 8 children with her husband on the other side of the country.
She is in a much better place now and has become an incredible source of support for others on the MLC forum and her own situation seems to have improved.
When it comes to possible affairs some people prefer to know and others would rather not. Divorcebusting tends toward the "don't ask, don't tell" approach. I tend to agree with Lou in that knowing the truth helps you in dealing with it in a more successful way - but other folks feel differently.
Chrome, has she been to a physician yet? High blood pressure, hormones amuck, viruses, sinus headaches, migraines, encephalitis, meningitis (there are just so many possible causes) - headaches lasting more than a day may indicate a need for a hospital visit, imo. And I would encourage just that if it continues.
Regarding the Easter cake, I would suggest that rather than tell her no, tell her you'll take care of it. Now that may mean a run to the store for a purchased cake, or it could mean grabbing a cake mix and canned frosting (they are easy to do). You come out a hero and she doesn't have to feel guilty for renegging on something at the last minute.
Please tell me why all my flags shouldn't be at full gale warning?
This sounds an awful lot like an alarm call to me.
Make sure that you aren't letting your prior lapse in judgement impair your sensibilities when it comes to your wife.
This is in direct reference to Chrome’s EA. How is it no connection should be made to his W possibly having an EA? The implication was strong enough that Burgbud and Lou immediately latched on to it. You know exactly what you were implying and now you are trying to dodge your responsibility for it. Own up to your stuff Nop. If you make a boneheaded statement, just say so and restate or retract it. But don’t go jumping on me or anyone else because you can’t admit to a mistake.
I told you in a post a week or so ago that I don't think I am Jesus or want to be. My advice or suggestions or ideas are all to be used or not at the discretion of the reader. I ask NO ONE to accept anything I say on blind faith.
Yep, and I don’t accept it on blind faith. So if what you say is true, why are you so ticked off if I question you? I see other instances of this, like on that thread Lil just posted. It seems like you don’t want anyone questioning you.
Since I have told you this before, why don't you make a copy of it and post it on your monitor.
Maybe you should post that on your monitor. I know plenty well what you’re not.
MrsNop,
I think you know that I am in the same camp as you regarding “don’t ask don’t tell.” I think that only serves to delay the inevitable and preserve the cloud of denial. I’ve been quite confrontational at times when trying to break through cloud. I’ve also been wrong plenty of times and have admitted when I am on the wrong path.
But I try not to make more of something based only on assumptions. Patterns do tell a lot. It is one thing to talk about patterns concerning denial, FOO, resentment, that sort of thing, but it is altogether something else to go around throwing out ideas that a spouse is having an affair. IMO, judgment on some things need to be withheld until there is proof.
There are lots of things that can make a duck look like a duck without it being a duck. There may be plenty of reasons Mrs Chrome is on the PC late at night without her engaging in an EA or even thinking about an EA. They have enough trouble already without stirring up further concerns that may prove to be totally unfounded.
If Nop wants to say one possibility for her actions could be an EA and Chrome should keep an eye out, but many other things could also explain t his behavior, then fine. But he did not add those caveats, did he?
