Can't wait to hear this. Sorry you have to do it. Freaking aliens. Maybe we could start a tv show... called 'Alien Swap' and we can swap WASs for a week. I bet it would be very popular.
well I gave spouse both a short and a long answer: short answer: NO, long answer: I will not encourage any expansion of friendship between the kids as long as spouse is in limbo (yes, I actually used that word) Spouse took it relatively well. She told me she hadn't encouraged friendship (somewhat true, although she has done some stupid things) and thought my logic was wrong. But I still get the last word.
Spouse also decided this would be a good time to break out the fact that she and OW are going away for the weekend. Great. I am trying to stay solid in the thought that spouse and I have had 2 full week vacations and 2 weekend things in the last year. OW has had nothing, which I believe is exactly what she deserves.
Bottom line is I'm going to have to find some situation in which I can say "I wonder how much longer you think we can go on like this? I don't know how much longer I can do it." then throw in some empathy like "it must be hard on you to be stuck between two people and constantly pulled. I wouldn't want to be you." Jeeze.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Thanks for being such a presence on my thread. I love your sense of humor. It is always well-received by me and much-appreciated.
How was dinner and margs last night w/ your friends??? I have a tub of strawberries in the fridge and am jonesing for a strawberry marg, but then I know I will drink the whole pitcher by myself and that is no fun!! At least not as much fun as sharing.
Hope you are finding some peace for yourself this week. I don't even know what kind of treats you pamper yourself with when the going gets rough or not. Are you taking care of yourself, girl??
yes, dear readers, I do still exist. Sometimes at work I actually have to work and that is hell. And the computer is in spouses "bedroom" so at home not much chance if she's home. Which she hasn't bothered to be lately. (*&$#@!!!
Just had myself a cry on the back porch. The weather is beautiful but the sitch sucks. My week: spouse and OW went out of town for some cozy weekend icky foo. I had already invited good friends to dinner Sunday night so spouse mangaged to be home in time for that. And she managed to get home in time to criticize me for not being "ready for guests" (by HER standards) DD had a meltdown mid day as she had been to a slumber party Sat night so I made her lie down. I lay down with her and fell asleep. House was not a wreck but neither was it spotless. I had DD alone so had not gotten to grocery store yet either. (God I wish I was as perfect as some folks think they are) Spouse was snippy and weird to me while guests were there and then proceeded to zing me as soon as they left. I was so shocked that she actually had the unmitigated gall to bitch at me, given her behavior. At one point she said: "the last thing I wanted to do was come home and criticize you but" I looked at her and just said "but what, you just couldn't resist?"
Somehow we ended up sitting on the couch in some longer discussion of my many faults. I asked her why she was so intent on having a fight? Finally I just couldn't take it any more. I started to cry and said "I don't want to do this any more" so I got up, got in my car and left for a while. I don't even remember what happened after that. I came home and went to bed I think.
part of my pain comes from not being able to share with my friends because they will all think I'm crazy for not canning her ass long before now. I am ashamed of and BY her behavior. (yeah, yeah, co dependant, I know, don't tell me you never felt the same way.) BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE; GINSU KNIVES ANYONE?
Thurs evening spouse wanted to go to a special yoga class with her beloved teacher. It took all evening and spouse had asked me last week if I would be ok with her being gone. (turns out the class was all about truth, hope spouse gagged on it) So I stayed home with DD and passed on my dance lessons. How nice.
Today was a half day for DD and spouse had day off to care for her after early dismissal. Just before she left to get kid from school she sends me an email "FYI I'm picking up the boys for OW". Can you say "chicken$hit"?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Hey stubborn. Sorry for your pain, sweetie. Damn. That sucks. I am glad you had a cry and I hope you feel better. Wow, I can't believe you let S talk to you like that. Woman, you don't have to put up w/ that. You can set boundaries that that isn't ok. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Hell, you don't deserve any of what you are getting. I wish I had a magic wand and could pull your Ss head out of her a$$. I bet I could take her... want me to come and talk some sense into her?? It just is a sucky sitch. You need to have someone to talk to. I know you say you can't talk to your friends, cause they won't understand... and if you can't get on the boards for various reasons, what do you do?? Here, email me if you need to and I can send you my ph # or you can email me anytime you need to. I am so sorry you are still going thru this stubborn. (((((stubborn))))
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. IF YOU CALL NOW WE HAVE 2 INSULTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!!
I ignored the email about OWs kids. But it is good to know that spouse is "not encouraging any closer relationships" between OWs kids and our DD. At least that's what she told me in criticizing me for saying "NO" to having OWs son to DDs BD party. Am I dreaming? Somebody wake me up...
So I came home from a HARD work week bummed and with my usual "what will the weekend hold" blues. I wanted to do something fun to pick myself up. Should have been proactive. WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA, f-it! I took my life in my hands and asked spouse what her plans were for the evening. She was busily cleaning in prep for DDs BD party on Sunday. She tells me she's going to clean until dinner and then she's "going out tonight" because she "will be home tomorrow night". Oh, now I get it. That makes perfect sense. I just walked away.
Went out to work on the back yard, soon to be site of BD party. Spouse comes out and says we can take DD and sleepover friend shopping for BD party tomorrow night. (ooooh baby! sounds like fun) I say I thought we were taking them to a movie. "well we have to shop". Sorry but I had to be honest. "we were going to go shopping on FRIDAY night originally but now you have changed it to SATURDAY night". Spouse of course is horrified that I would remember and point that out. How dare I question her? Silly me. I said: "let's go inside" not wanting DD to hear what I was about to say. We sit down on couch. I give my practiced speech, as recommended by DB coach: "This must be awful for you. I don't like being me in this sitch but I wouldn't want to be you, torn between two places.You wait until the last minute to tell me your plans because you're so uncomfortable...blah blah blah, I feel your pain, etc etc. thenI go for the big guns (also scripted and recommended) "I wonder how much longer you think we can go on like this? I don't know how much longer I can do this" Spouse says "what's your plan?" I say I don't have a plan. Spouse says I'm not going anywhere, I thought I made that clear when you said you wouldn't give me time with DD. I'm not going anywhere as long as she lives here". I simply responded "I never said that, I said I don't believe in splitting children 50/50"...then I got the hell out of Dodge. I planted the seeds and needed to leave her with her own fertilizer.
Gee, a year ago she was threatening to leave and now she's threatening to stay. Do you ever wonder if you've completely lost your mind? Fantasyland, that's where I live. Spouse can go away with OW for weekend, come home and criticize me. yeah it makes sense. Spouse can threaten to stay in our home. yeah it makes sense.
And did I mention that she had the day from hell at work on Wed so I got her favorite dinner, take out sushi and pretty much kissed her ass all evening? No expectations, no siree, none. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
wow my wild friends just called and said they were picking me up. Damn, I have no sitter. Not to mention no guts! But it feels good to know they'd call
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
ok, I've been thinking about sharing this for a few days. It's one of those ultimate irony stories. (Jules if my humor is going to get you through this may qualify) I'll speak in code so only the intelligent people understand (most of you have been in this sitch, trust me, if you've been in limbo land for long)
Ok, so the other night I'm in the self-serve lane in my bedroom(formerly "our" bedroom) easing my frustrations with the aid of a mechanical device. The next morning spouse looks at me in disgust and says "you woke me up...AGAIN! Can't you put a pillow over your face or something?" (she was also cranky because DD woke up crying and got us both up later that night) I just looked at her and let the following ideas flash through my head: 1) If you were helping me in this dept it wouldn't wake you up. 2) Do you really have the nerve to complain about me given your little shenanigans (she does! who am I kidding?) 3) If I were going to put a pillow over someones face it WOULD NOT be me. I don't need you planting any subliminal ideas for ways to vent my anger at you. Careful dear.
I said nothing but enjoyed all my ironic comebacks. ahhh the joy, the joy.
And yes Jules you can come take her any time!!! Take my spouse, please! Bring your boots and a shovel. If the shovel doesn't work in one dept we can always put it to use in another.I have had that same magic wand wish for others too. It proves we are empathetic creatures. Unlike our spice (plural of spouse)
off to play happy family now!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
